FelinaValdis

puzzled

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 11:02:44 GMT

Something's wrong with my livejournal. I can't post comments, and I can't reply to them. I managed to do this earlier today (like 5 minutes earlier). I just don't understand...

List of the most interesting fobias

Wed, 30 May 2007 20:02:50 GMT

This is all taken from www.phobialist.com. I take no credit.

Ablutophobia- Fear of washing or bathing.
Acerophobia- Fear of sourness.
Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.
Ambulophobia- Fear of walking.
Anablephobia- Fear of looking up.
Anglophobia- Fear of England or English culture, etc.
Anthrophobia or Anthophobia- Fear of flowers.
Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. (!)
Aurophobia- Fear of gold.
Cacophobia- Fear of ugliness.
Caligynephobia- Fear of beautiful women.(wtf?)
Cenophobia or Centophobia- Fear of new things or ideas.
Chrometophobia or Chrematophobia- Fear of money.
Clinophobia- Fear of going to bed.(...)
Consecotaleophobia- Fear of chopsticks.
Cyberphobia- Fear of computers or working on a computer.
Deipnophobia- Fear of dining or dinner conversations.
Dextrophobia- Fear of objects at the right side of the body.
Didaskaleinophobia- Fear of going to school.
Doraphobia- Fear of fur or skins of animals.
Doxophobia- Fear of expressing opinions or of receiving praise. (I can understand the fear of expressing opinions, but of recieving praise?!)
Eosophobia- Fear of dawn or daylight.
Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers.
Epistemophobia- Fear of knowledge.
Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news.
Geliophobia- Fear of laughter.
Geniophobia- Fear of chins.
Genuphobia- Fear of knees.
Geumaphobia or Geumophobia- Fear of taste.
Hellenologophobia- Fear of Greek terms or complex scientific terminology.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words. (Ironic, huh?)
Levophobia- Fear of things to the left side of the body.
Nomatophobia- Fear of names.
Optophobia- Fear of opening one's eyes.
Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything.
Philosophobia- Fear of philosophy.
Phobophobia- Fear of phobias. (how original)
Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking.
Verbophobia- Fear of words.
Vestiphobia- Fear of clothing.
Xenoglossophobia- Fear of foreign languages.

You can look at the whole list here.

Random fact:
Television - tele from Greek, meaning distant, and vision from Latin, meaning a seeing.

A question: Does anyone know what 'borderline syndrom' is?

Hi sea_priest3ss *waves*.

Random

Wed, 30 May 2007 19:32:12 GMT

I just realised that 'ads by google' are the most useless thing in the world.

Fri, 11 May 2007 15:14:14 GMT

I made a community!!!!!!!! I'm so happy with myself. Why I did it: There is a time when there just isn't anything on the net for me. No fics, no pictures, NOTHING. And I figured out that there are (probably) many fans with the same problem. Any problem can be solved. Thus the community. If you are looking for good art, fics, or anything related to Loveless (did I mention it was a loveless community?), just post an entry, and another member will find it for you.
And we're all gonna live happily ever after!

Wed, 02 May 2007 19:46:04 GMT

I know I promised lots of fics(for mellochocolat), but I just didn't have the time nor the inspiration. And just as I have a little time to sit and write a cute fluffy one - shot, my angst muse kicks in. Sorry. I like this but I'm leaving it to the judgement of my friends. Do you think I should cross-post it and where?

Aoyagi Seimei does not cry.

He is a mask full of secrets in a tangled web of lies. He is a cruel, sadistic and untouchable, an emotionless murderer.

Therefore, he doesn't cry.

He is not weak.

He is pure perfection, existing only to be worshipped breathlessly.

When he thinks of a man he once was, he feels disgusted. Always smiling, always forgiving. Pathetic. When he looks at what remained of his past, it isn't regret he feels. There are more important things in the world then a Fighter with a lifeless look in his eyes and a little boy who looks at the stars and dreams of his brother.

He does not feel sadness. But-

There's a small, rebellious part of him that keeps whispering in his ear: 'You're the best brother in the world!' ; 'I care about you so much' ; 'Your smile illuminates your eyes' ; 'I love you, Master' ...

That small part refuses to forget the look in Ritsuka's eyes when he'd given him a birthday present, the silkiness of Soubi's hair when he'd tangled it with his fingers...

That part was too human for Seimei's liking.

Aoyagi Seimei doesn't regret.

He doesn't regret the pain caused by his leaving, doesn't regret the abandonment.

But the child in him does.

The brother in him does.

The Sacrifice in him does.

They are all dead. They all need to stay dead, if Seimei has any hope of living. At least, that's what he tells himself.

Sometimes he dreams of life he could have if he'd made different choices. Perhaps his brother would have someone to talk to on a lonely night. Perhaps he could have convinced his Fighter to quit smoking. Every personality in him has to smile at that thought. Not likely to happen.

Very rarely, he wonders if he ever truly loved either of them (loves, his heart insists, loves). There was tenderness and affection, but he's quite convinced it was fake. Quite, but not completely.

Then suddenly, a memory starts unfolding in front of his eyes. It was the night before the mask died, and Aoyagi Seimei started to live. Ritsuka hugged him strongly, afraid to let go. Like he knew what he was losing. And he felt a pang in his chest, unfamiliar (not unfamiliar, the voices insisted). He ignored them.

After he'd lulled Ritsuka into sleep by false promises, a sound of quiet footsteps was heard. There was a rustling of clothes, and suddenly, there were arms around his waist. A face pressed into his hair, and he could feel it getting wet. He felt that pang again, even though he tried to convince himself that he didn't. The voices laughed.

The memory made him wish something he should not. To be embraced strongly and held tenderly.

But he is Aoyagi Seimei, and he can't allow himself to feel something so... human.

But once a year, he does. He watches them both from shadows, memorizing every detail, every change. There is only one, though. The pale remnants of tears on a sad face. He runs away then, unable to watch what he'd left behind. And in a lonely room, he tells himself the pricking in his eyes are not tears. And inside his head, the voices laugh again. 'Seimei's always been good at lying to himself'.

Too much time passes too quickly. The voices grow quiet, and Seimei is surprised when he discovers that he actually misses them.

It is the day when the voices die, that things get out of control.

He is standing in front of his shocked brother and heartbroken Fighter. There is hope in their eyes, though. He knows what they think: 'Didn't you love us at least a little, Seimei?' He notices the way they hold hands, comfortingly. He feels jealous. Of what? There are no more voices to answer his question.

'I'm sorry. This wasn't what I wanted for you. For us'

The voices aren't whispering this, he is. His whispers are lost within the wind.

That faint hint of hope disappears. He watches the way Ritsuka's eyes harden, the way Soubi's lips declare a spell battle. At that moment, he knows how the sound of a breaking heart is like.

But still he stays motionless. Because he is Aoyagi Seimei, and he doesn't cry, no matter how desperately he wants to.

This post doesn't have a point

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 14:56:19 GMT

I just want to ask bena_bill why did she add me as a friend. Not that I mind.

More crap to add to my day

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 19:13:50 GMT

I just got a call from another 'friend'. I started telling her about my day, hoping that she can make me feel a bit better. She just made everything worse. She said that I am emotionless and that she's shocked I am so forward with my emotions today. I asked for some proofs, and she replied: 'You never cry. I don't think you are even able to.'
I was stunned. I didn't know what to say, so I told her that I can't lead that conversation anymore. And I hung up.
I am not emotionless. Just because I don't show my feelings, doesn't mean I don't have them. I show people only my happy side, because I don't want to burden them with my problems, as I'm sure they've got their own. It's also because... I don't want to be hurt anymore. It's been done far too much times in the past then I would like. And about the tears... I don't like people seeing them, so I don't cry in front of them. I don't want to give them the satisfaction of seeing that I'm hurt. Because there are people who would give their life just to see others miserable. I stopped crying in public since I was 7. I didn't want others to see my weaknesses.

And now.........now I've realised that I don't have anyone that I can trust, someone that I can rely on, someone that I can cry freely in front of. And.... that knowledge hurts. Right now I wish that I can't feel, as they claim. It would make life so much easier. I know what you're thinking: bad soap opera. But, it isn't. It's my life.

And now I've realised I hate it.

This has been a crappy day...

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 18:31:33 GMT

That's it. I just want to hide in a hole somewhere where no one can find me and cry.
There's been many things that went wrong today.
I tried to fix the thing with my modem, and I only screwed things up. Then I tried to change my password, but my computer didn't want to accept it. Then I get the news that my aunt is in the hospital, and it's serious. And we celebrated her birthday yesterday...
Then a friend came over. I had to act all cheerful and happy. We invited a couple of my other friends to come with us , but they didn't want to. Then a 'friend' I thought I had clearly stated she wants nothing to do with me. And everyone just.......abandoned me. My father called and I figured out that he never cared for me. My mother is trying to make me feel guilty for something I hadn't done just to make her feel better because someone is equally miserable as her. She's telling me I don't know how to fight for myself, that my friends had all the right to abandon me, that I've isolated myself from the world, that I'll be all alone in the end. Then I mess things up with everything I try to post because I'm so stressed out. I almost threw up earlier... And I'm crying right now. When I'm sad, I write poetry. It makes me relax and calm down. Mostly, it's terrible poetry, but I just need to get this out of my system.

This is written for the person I wish all the worst things in life.

I hate you
I hate you so much.
Your evil eyes,
Your cruel smile.
Your ability to make me cry
For simplest of things
For which I never cried before.
For making me yell at the people I care about
In my frustration towards you.
I hate you,I hate you,I hate you,I hate you,I hate you.....
I think it's making me insane.
Completely insane.
So insane that I'll drown in my madness.
The only thing I fear is that one day I will kill you.
With cold,hard eyes,steady hands and bloody knife.
You made me cry again.
Tears are spilling forward as I'm writing this.
And I can't stop.
I can't stop writing.
And I can't stop crying.
I need to apologize to the only person who truly cares about me,
Who I love so much.
But I can't.
I have no strenght left.
I will fall asleep crying.
I wish for you to have slow and painful death.
This sad song that I'm listening to isn't helping the matters either.
I hear your cruel laughter in my head.
One day I will get my revenge.
One day.
And you,
you better pray it not to be soon.

Words to describe my mood: misery, sadness, sorrow, hate, depression.
I hate my life right now. I wish I could kill myself. But, I've gotten through worse things in life, I would get through this. I know I have the will to do it. I only don't know when it will happen.

Lyrics again

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 17:24:02 GMT

I have nothing to do..... I'm so bored. Has anyone heard anything from mellochocolat? She's been away for awhile...

This time I will put lyrics from Metallica. My favourite songs :)

It goes like this:
Artist - album
Name of the song

Metallica - Master of Puppets

Welcome Home (Sanitarium)

Welcome to where time stands still
no one leaves and no one will
Moon is full, never seems to change
just labeled mentally deranged
Dream the same thing every night
I see our freedom in my sight
No locked doors, No windows barred
No things to make my brain seem scarred

Sleep my friend and you will see
that dream is my reality
They keep me locked up in this cage
can't they see it's why my brain says Rage

Sanitarium, leave me be
Sanitarium, just leave me alone

Build my fear of what's out there
and cannot breathe the open air
Whisper things into my brain
assuring me that I'm insane
They think our heads are in their hands
but violent use brings violent plans
Keep him tied, it makes him well
he's getting better, can't you tell?

No more can they keep us in
Listen, damn it, we will win
They see it right, they see it well
but they think this saves us from our hell

Sanitarium, leave me be
Sanitarium, just leave me alone
Sanitarium, just leave me alone

Fear of living on
natives getting restless now
Mutiny in the air
got some death to do
Mirror stares back hard
Kill, it's such a friendly word
seems the only way
for reaching out again.

Metallica - The black album (Metallica)

Enter Sandman

Say your prayers little one
don't forget, my son
to include everyone

tuck you in, warm within
keep you free from sin
till the sandman he comes

sleep with one eye open
gripping your pillow tight

exit light
enter night
take my hand
off to never never land

something's wrong, shut the light
heavy thoughts tonight
and they aren't of snow white

dreams of war, dreams of liars
dreams of dragon's fire
and of things that will bite

sleep with one eye open
gripping your pillow tight

exit light
enter night
take my hand
off to never never land

now I lay me down to sleep
pray the lord my soul to keep
if I die before I wake
pray the lord my soul to take

hush little baby, don't say a word
and never mind that noise you heard
it's just the beast under your bed,
in your closet, in your head

exit light
enter night
grain of sand

exit light
enter night
take my hand
we're off to never never land

Metallica - The black album (Metallica)

Sad But True

Hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who takes you there
hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who cares
they
they betray
I'm your only true friend now
they
they'll betray
I'm forever there

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
sad but true

I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
you know it's sad but true

you
you're my mask
you're my cover, my shelter
you
you're my mask
you're the one who's blamed
do
do my work
do my dirty work, scapegoat
do
do my deeds
for you're the one who's shamed

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must stea
l I'm your pain when you can't feel
sad but true

I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
you know it's sad but true

hate
I'm your hate
I'm your hate when you want love
pay
pay the price
pay, for nothing's fair

hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who took you here
hey
I'm your life
and I no longer care

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
sad but true

I'm your truth, telling lies
I'm your reasoned alibis
I'm inside open your eyes
I'm you

Sad But True

Metallica - The black album (Metallica)

The Unforgiven

New blood joins this earth
and quikly he's subdued
through constant pain disgrace
the young boy learns their rules

with time the child draws in
this whipping boy done wrong
deprived of all his thoughts
the young man struggles on and on he's known
a vow unto his own
that never from this day
his will they'll take away

what I've felt
what I've known
never shined through in what I've shown
never be
never see
won't see what might have been

what I've felt
what I've known
never shined through in what I've shown
never free
never me
so I dub thee unforgiven

they dedicate their lives
to running all of his
he tries to please them all
this bitter man he is
throughout his life the same
he's battled constantly
this fight he cannot win
a tired man they see no longer cares
the old man then prepares
to die regretfully
that old man here is me

what I've felt
what I've known
never shined through in what I've shown
never be
never see
won't see what might have been

what I've felt
what I've known
never shined through in what I've shown
never free
never me
so I dub the unforgiven

you labeled me
I'll label you
so I dub the unforgiven

Metallica - The black album (Metallica)

Wherever I May Roam

...and the road becomes my bride
I have stripped of all but pride
so in her I do confide
and she keeps me satisfied
gives me all I need

...and with dust in throat I crave
only knowledge will I save
to the game you stay a slave
rover wanderer
nomad vagabond
call me what you will

but I'll take my time anywhere
free to speak my mind anywhere
and I'll redefine anywhere
anywhere I may roam
where I lay my head is home

...and the earth becomes my throne
I adapt to the unknown
under wandering stars I've grown
by myself but not alone
I ask no one

...and my ties are severed clean
the less I have the more I gain
off the beaten path I reign
rover wanderer
nomad vagabond
call me what you will

but I'll take my time anywhere
I'm free to speak my mind anywhere
and I'll never mind anywhere
anywhere I may roam
where I lay my head is home

but i'll take my time anywhere
free to speak my mind
and I'll take my find anywhere
anywhere I may roam
where I lay my head is home

carved upon my stone
my body lie, but still I roam
wherever I may roam

Metallica - The black album (Metallica)

Nothing Else Matters

So close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters

trust I seek and I find in you
every day for us something new
open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

so close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words I don't just say

trust I seek and I find in you
every day for us something new
open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they say
never cared for games they play
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
and I know

so close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
no nothing else matters

Metallica - Load

UNTIL IT SLEEPS
(Hetfield , Ulrich)

Where do I take this pain of mine
I run, but it stays right my side

So tear me open, pour me out
There's things inside that scream and shout
And the pain still hates me
So hold me, until it sleeps

Just like the curse, just like the stray
You feed it once, and now it stays

So tear me open, but beware
There's things inside without a care
And the dirt still stains me
So wash me, until I'm clean

*It grips you, so hold me
It stains you, so hold me
It hates you, so hold me
It holds you, so hold me

Until it sleeps**

So tell me why you've choosen me
Don't want your grip, don't want your greed

I'll tear me open, make you gone
No more can you hurt anyone
And the fear still shakes me
So hold me, until it sleeps

*--** Repeat

I don't want it

So tear me open, but beware
The things inside without a care
And the dirt still stains me
So wash me, 'till I'm clean...

I'll tear me open, make you gone
No longer will you hurt anyone
And the fear still shapes me
So hold me, until it sleeps...

Until it sleeps...

Metallica - Re-load

The Memory Remains
THE MEMORY REMAINS (Hetfield, Ulrich)

Fortune, fame; Mirror vain; Gone insane; But the memory remains; Heavy rings on fingers wave; Another star denies the grave; See the nowhere crowd, cry the nowhere tears of honor; Like twisted vines that grow; That hide and swallow mansions whole; And dim the light of an already faded prima donna
Fortune, fame
Mirror vain
Gone insane...
Fortune, fame
Mirror vain
Gone insane...
But the memory remains: Heavy rings hold cigarettes; Up to lips that time forgets; While the Hollywood sun sets behind your back; And can't the band play on?; Just listen, they play my song; Ash to ash; Dust to dust; Fade to black
Fortune, fame
Mirror vain
Gone insane...
Fortune, fame
Mirror vain
Gone insane...
Dance little tin goddess
na-na-na: Drift away; Fade away; Little tin goddess; Ash to ash; Dust to dust; Fade to black
Fortune, fame
Mirror vain
Gone insane...
Fortune, fame
Mirror vain
Gone insane...
But the memory remains: Ash to ash; Dust to dust; Fade to black...; But the memory remains; Yeah; Faded prima donna yeah, yeah; (solo); Dance little tin goddess dance

Metallica - Re-load

The Unforgiven II

Lay beside me, tell me what they've done; Speak the words I wanna hear, to make my demons run; The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true; If you can understand the me, than I can understand the you; Lay beside me, under wicked sky; The black of day, dark of night, we share this paralyze; The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through; Black heart scarring darker still, but there's no sun shining through; No, there's no sun shining through; No, there's no sun shining...
What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you....
What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?: Lay beside me, this won't hurt I swear; She loves me not, she loves me still, but she'll never love again; She lay beside me, But she'll be there when I'm gone; Black heart scarring darker still, yes she'll be there when I'm gone; Yes, she'll be there when I'm gone; Dead sure she'll be there...
What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you....
What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?: Lay beside me, tell me what I've done; The door is closed, so are you're eyes; But now I see the sun, now I see the sun; Yes now I see it
What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you....
What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, 'cause I'm the one who waits,
The one who waits for you....
Oh what I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you.... (So I dub thee unforgiven....)
Oh, what I've felt....
Oh, what I've known....
I take this key (never free...)
And I bury it (never me...) in you
Because you're unforgiven too....
Never free....
Never me....
'Cause you're unforgiven too....
Oh

I know all people don't like this kind of music, but if you're in search of good lyrics, I suggest 'The unforgiven II', 'Sad but true', 'Until it sleeps.

This has gotten longer than I thought. I'm exshausted!

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 15:53:27 GMT

I joined two communities today:4poetry and loveless100. I posted to 4poetry and hana_kusari. Actually, I'm not so sure for the last one....... So, I'll be posting the stuff here too.

Long years I travel
Trying to find my soul.
Someone stole it from me so skillfully,
like an Egyptian ghoul.

The night is so silent,
I can hear my beating heart.
Today I found the one who stole my soul
And now I'm breaking apart.

The sunrise is beautiful this dawn,
It's taking my breath away.
I would give Death my shattered spirit,
But the price is too high to pay.

The next day I met someone
Who made my misery cease.
What about my heart now?
Now, from him, it flees.

The closer you get to my heart
The stronger my hate for you will be.
I don't want my soul to be broken
How can I make you see?

More lyrics

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 10:48:29 GMT

Just like the title says. More lyrics. I never actually heard this song, but the lyrics were so good that I had to put this here.

Enjoy!

Title : Words I couldn't say
Artist : Rascal Flatts

In a book, in a box, in the closet
In a line in a song I once heard
In a moment on a front porch late one June
In a breath inside a whisper, beneath the moon

There it was at the tip of my fingers
There it was on the tip of my tongue
There you were and I had never been that far
There it was; the whole world wrapped inside my arms
And I let it all slip away

What do I do now that you're gone
No back up plan no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldn't say

Theres a rain that will never stop fallin
There a wall that I tried to take down
What I should have said just wouldn't pass my lips
So I held back and now we've come to this
And it's too late now

What do I do now that you're gone
No back up plan no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldn't say
Yeyeah
(Are the words I couldn't say)

I should have found a way to to tell you how I felt
Now the only one I'm telling is myself

What do I do now that you're gone
No back up plan no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains(silence that remains)
Are the words I couldn't say
What do I do
what do I say
No back up plan no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldn't say

P.S. Does anyone have this song? Or does anyone know where I can download this song for free?

Names and their meanings

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 10:32:51 GMT

I said that I'll explain my name. So here it is:

Felina-cat-like

Valdis-Goddess of the dead.

So, my name would probably mean 'cat-like goddess of the dead'.

But, I suppose that you are not interested in that.

I gathered a list of names that I with their meanings. I got this all from the internet, so don't blame me is something isn't right.
All the names are female or unisex.
Don't be surprised if some of the names are a bit strange.

Adena(h) - fire
Adi - my jewel
Agena - blood
Aglaia - beauty, splendor
Ahuya - beloved [ :) ]
Alamea - precious
Almas - diamond
Amara - unfading
Amaya - night rain
Amets - dream
Aremone - A Greek myth. Name of a nymph who was turned into a wind-flower, derived from the Greek word anemos, meaning 'wind'
Ariel - lion of God
Astra - star
Audra - storm
Azar - fire

C

Canan - beloved *sigh*
Candra - Indonesian name from a love story about princess Candra Kirana of Kediri. Candra was incarnation of Dewi Ratih, goddess of love, and her name means 'glowing like the moon'
Carey - dark one
Charna - dark
Coventina - memory of snow
Cuifen - emerald fragrance

D

Daiyu - black jade
Dara - star
Delarey - dark challenger
Duana - dark, black

E

Eztli - blood

F

Faina - Russian name meaning 'light'
Fajra - fiery
Felina - cat-like
Furaha - Swahili name meaaning 'happiness'

G

Gizem - mystery

H

Hratchauhi(?) - fire-eyed

I

Imani - Swahili name meaning 'faith'
Isis - Egyptian goddess of magic

K

Kenina - born of fire
Keezheekoni - burning fire
Kimi - secret

L

Lamya - has beautiful dark lips
Libitina - goddess of corpses, funerals and the dead, death [morbid]
Lior - my light
Luyajn - silver

M

Malandra - modern English name, possibly a blend of the names Melinda (black, dark serpent) and Sandra (defender of mankind)
Melantha - dark flower
Morana - goddess of death and winter

N

Nerezza - darkness
Neschume - soul
Nura - to illuminate

R

Ramla - Swahili name meaning 'prophetess'
Rashan - bright light

S

Sera - burning one
Simin - silvery
Sooleawa - silver

T
Tora - tiger, thunder

V
Valdis - Goddess of the dead. Scandinavian name, composed of the old Old Norse elements vair 'the dead' and dis 'goddess'

X
Xiucoatl - fire serpent, weapon of destruction

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 17:14:46 GMT

Hmmmmmmm......... I like this new look. :)

Finally, a fic that I'm proud of

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 16:44:47 GMT

I was just going through enchanter's memories, when I saw a fic written by wicked pistil. It's called 'Transfer of ownership.'
So, being the curious person that I am, I decided to see what it's about. And I couldn't stop reading. I usually don't read, let alone write, Soubi/Kio. But I got the inspiration and started writing. I didn't think about this, I just went with the flow. I finished it in one breath, then read it. And I couldn't believe what was there. It wasn't crappy, and unemotional like my usual stuff is. I really liked it. This is written from Kio's POV.
It's dedicated to enchanter and wicked pistil for being such wonderful authors. I hope to reach your level of writing one day. I hope you enjoy. Please read and leave a comment.

P.S. Sorry enchanter, but I don't know which color Kio's eyes are. ^^'

Fandom: Loveless
Name:Beautiful disaster
Rating: T
Warnings:none

It will be a sunny day. Birds will be singing. Butterflies will be trying to fly through the window. A long haired blondie with blue eyes won't let them in. And he will be watching him. The way his lips frown when he sees the offending creatures, the way his long, artistic fingers close around the handle, the way his body bends to close the window. Then he'll imagine it is just to tease him, to make him crave.

As if he already isn't.

He'll watch long legs moving, coming closer to him, almost touching him. Almost. He'll watch the fingers close around the black brushes, and he'll envy them for getting so close to that perfection. Then his usually silent companion will suddenly start talking. He'll be pretending to be listening, while in his head he will think can that gaze any more penetrating. He'll focus on the red lips, watching their every move. Then his secret lover of dreams will notice another piersing he'd made sometime in the past. His mind will be very confused, and his lips will voice his thoughts: "You noticed?" Then his companion will smile that charming smile of his, and focus blue gaze on his green(?) one. Then he will lose himself in blue skies beneath that gaze, and every rational thought flying away from his mind.

His companion will return to his painting, and resume expressing his pain on empty canvas. He will still be lost in silence of his mind, entranced by the way his companion can look into people's souls. The sunlight will shine on his companion's face, illuminating white skin. He will then ask himself how could anyone have given someone such perfection, that even the light of sun's rays pale in comparison to the light of his companion's beauty.

He will stare. Long and hard. Then his companion will notice. And he will smile, like he knows some big secret no one else does. It will annoy Kio at first. After a few seconds, he will realize that he's been caught staring, and blood will rush to his cheeks. His companion's smile is only going to get wider.

Kio will then get up to grab some beer. He will ask does his companion want one. His companion will be so immersed in his painting, that he won't hear him. Kio will frown, and watch to be butterfly resting on a red flower. His companion paints red flowers when he's upset. Kio will ask what is wrong. His companion is going to be silent. Kio will repeat his question. His companion is going to remain silent. Kio will come closer, put a hand on his companion's shoulder and demand an answer. His companion will look at him with such sad eyes, that Kio will forget what he wanted to know. He will put his hands forward, offering an embrace. His companion will get up from the floor, and give Kio hope. He will come closer and then with a cold stare, brush past him.

He will be devastated and heartbroken. Tears are going to gather around his eyes and he's going to put his hands around himself, imagining they are someone else's. He will hear the screechy sound of bathroom door closing. Sound of rushing water is going to reach his ears. He will be all alone. Again.

Through the empty house a beeping of a cellphone will be heard. He'll cover his ears, not wanting to listen to his misery visiting again. The sound will still be heard. He'll cover his ears harder. The sound won't stop. Then he's going to let his frustration out. He will yell, and scream, and throw the phone against the wall. But he's not going to stop there. Just phone isn't enough. He will break the vase against a glass table. The sound of running water will abruptly stop, but he won't notice. He'll turn the couch over, step on the remote, express his pain on an innocent window. He's going to continue the destruction until strong hands come around his small frame and stop him. He's going to yell some more and resist the hold. Hands won't let him go. Then he'll lose the will to fight, and start shaking and crying and weeping. Long fingers are going to brush his strands of hair, and a surprisingly soft and gentle voice is going to tell him everything will be alright. Then he will calm down, and turn around with a big smile on his face. His companion's gaze is going to be that of intense love and care.Then his biggest dream will come true. Those hands touching him, exploring his body, that gaze focused on him, his companion's lips getting closer..........

And then he'll wake up with a hand shaking his shoulder. Blue strands of hair are going to tickle his face, while his eyes adjust to the light above. An emotionless voice is going to say :"I won't be coming to class tommorow, Kio. Cover for me, like always." \"Wait!" he'll yell, desperately. "Atleast tell me where are you going Sou-chan."
"Ritsuka's calling." The same emotionless voice will answer. And then his companion will be gone.And he will miss the sad pair of eyes watching his silhouette leaving through the door.

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 12:04:54 GMT

I wrote this last night. Just a little zero fic I wanted to share. It's not breathtaking, it's not fantasticaly written. There aren't descriptions, and it's really short. I know it doesn't sound interesting, but it's supposed to be a sweet little one shot.
No warnings. I got the inspiration after I read a fic. I think it was chained_dove. It was about leaving home. It's one japanese word, but I can't remember. ^^'

'Do you miss him?'

Youji got snapped out of his reverie. 'What?'
'Soubi. Do you miss him?' Natsuo repeated.
'No.' He answered rather gruffly.
'Not even a little?'
Youji got up from the spot on the floor where he was lying with fury in his eyes.
'Why do you keep asking? Do you like him so much? Loveless wasn't enough for you?' He demanded angrily.
'It's not that! I don't even care about Loveless!' Natsuo came closer. So close in fact, their hands were almost touching. Almost.
'You know I care only about you...' He answered gently.
'I'm sorry.' Youji apologized. 'I got carried away.'
A few minutes passed in silence.
'What is your reason for asking anyway?' he asked curiously.
'I started cleaning the kitchen. I never clean the kitchen.'
Youji laughed.
'Silly' he whispered. And his lips gently rested on Natsuo's cheek.

HUGE PROBLEM

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 11:52:15 GMT

I have a big security problem. Someone is using my modem so I mostly faint when I get the bills. Does anyone have a solution?

LYRICS!!!

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 12:00:42 GMT

Finally to post them. This is such a good song. If anyone wants something, just leave a comment.

I should have known better
Than to let you go alone
It's times like these
I can't make it on my own
Wasted days, and sleepless nights
An' I can't wait to see you again

I find I spend my rime
Waiting on your call
How can I tell you, babe
My back's against the wall
I need you by my side
To tell me it's alright
Cos I don't think I can take anymore

Is this love that I'm feeling
Is this the love that I've been searching for
Is this love or am I dreaming
This must be love
Cos it's really got a hold on me
A hold on me

I can't stop the feeling
I've been this way before
But, with you I've found the key
To open any door
I can feel my love for you
Growing stronger day by day
An' I can't wait too see you again
So I can hold you in my arms

Is this love that I'm feeling
Is this the love that I've been searching for
Is this love or am I dreaming
This must be love
Cos it's really got a hold on me
A hold on me

Is this love that I'm feeling
Is this the love that I've been searching for

Is this love or am I dreaming

I need help!!!

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 11:46:49 GMT

I looked through my journal today, and decided......................... I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL!!!!! So I have a question. How can I customize it (not the usual stuff,I don't like anything) and will I lose anything I've posted? Someone please answer, because I don't want to experiment with this!

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 19:05:29 GMT

I haven't posted for a long time... But, nothing unusual for me... Well, this time I had a good reason. I was really sick. I had a high temperature, my voice chords were... let's just say 'soundless'. See the picture, but you can't hear anything. My teacher told me I was as healthy as a wall... And I'm still coughing. The worst thing, I couldn't get to my computer! My beautiful computer! But I wasn't lazy. I wrote a fic. I was inspired with Enchanter's beautiful writing. You should go check Enchanter's stuff. I promised a poem... I need to post more pictures. But firstly, the fic.

Fandom:loveless

Author:Felinavaldis(I need to explain my name sometime)

Explanation: this is a different view of Seimei. It's very confusing. That's because he is confused in my story. I think I repeated that many times. It starts like a journal entry, just so you know. There's a second part to this. Well, there will be ^^'

It's a dark night. The window is open. Streaks of moonlight are quietly falling through his open window. He sits in his chair in front of the computer. There is a terrible sound coming from downstairs. He wants to help his brother, he really does. But he doesn't know how. All he can do is offer a false sense of comfort and security.

Beloved...

How fitting for his name. Everybody always liked him. He was "the smartest,most beautiful human to ever walk the earth' according to his mother. But he's no human. Humans feel. Humans love. Humans have flaws.
He doesn't. He's perfect. A cruel smile crosses his lips, showing snow white canines. He looks at his reflection in a black mirror. Black, because it is a color of darkness,of power. Hate is black. Death is black. Raw power is black. Color of Soubi's butterflies is black. He loves them. Seimei, I mean. They are so fragile, so weak. That's what everyone thinks,until they feel their cutting wings on their skin. In Soubi's hands even a feather becomes a weapon. That's what he likes about him.

Hmm, likes. Not loves. He's there to be loved, not to love.
He doesn't know how. Maybe it's that feeling he gets when Ritsuka's around. No, that's affection, not love. Affection to a prized possession. Or is that Soubi's place? He doesn't know. But it doesn't even matter.

Let me tell you something about him. First thought would be that his head isn't a fun place to be alone in. His heart is an empty place. Sometimes, an emotion gets astray in that empty void humans call a heart. But he gets it under control. Just like everything else. Because he needs to be perfect. But he already is perfect, he tells himself. Or not? Argh, this is so confusing! Sometimes he thinks he's schizophrenic. Because no normal human can have so many mood swings and personality changes. 'I'm not a human! I'm not!' he tells himself. Again. Great, he's talking to himself. That's the first sign of madness. If he already isn't mad. Maybe he's not. But, then again, maybe he is, but he's only fooling himself. This is so confusing.

Why am I talking to myself in 3rd person? Why am I talking to myself at all? Sane people don't do that. But I think that you all know I'm not sane. Even I know that. Enough with this. I'm going to go even more crazy. Why do I keep writing about my madness? Oh. because I have no one to talk to, so this poor Notepad has to take the burn with my hatred towards myself. That's too much, even for an emotionless machine. At times like these, I think that my perfection is disgusting. Soubi says it isn't. He says he loves me. I don't believe him. He's dirty. You don't trust dirty things. But still... He's the only one I have. The only one I can rely on. Everyone wants me to be their support. They aren't able to do anything for themselves. Not even Ritsuka. Not even my little brother. And I used to think that I'm not alone in my perfection... When I think about it, Soubi's always been there for me. Abondoning everything else, he has come to me whenever I called him. NO wait, he should. He's my fighter, it's his duty. I wonder would things be different between us if he's perfect too. Maybe. Probably. Yes. Yes, they would. Right now he's strong, but not perfect. I've decided. It is my responsibility to make him perfect. Yes... No... I don't know. I'm so confused.

The cold wind is blowing outside. I know that because my window is still open. Maybe Soubi will come tonight... Why am I thinking about him so much? He's nothing to me. No, wait, he is something, but I don't know what. Did I mention I'm confused? And there's this emotion right on the left side of my chest, in the void. This rarely happens. It's kind of like physical pain, the one I get when I'm fighting. Actually, when Soubi is fighting. Could it be misery? Or depression? No. Then I get this strange water running down my cheeks. I think humans call them tears. Why tears? Why not tear? A tear. One tear. It sounds so much better. It feels so much better too. I think this feeling is sadness. But, why am I sad? Is it for Soubi? Or because of Soubi? No. He wouldn't make me sad. Would he? My writing is screaming 'confusion'. Why am I writing this at all? I'm no writer. Oh yes. Voices in my head told me to. I think I'm freaking my computer out. It won't talk to me later then. Computers don't talk. I forgot that. My head hurts. I think I'll go take an Aspirin. Do we have it in the house? It's irrelevant. It's not irrelevant because of my migraine. Great. I'm arguing with the voices even when I'm writing.
I think I'll stop that now. It makes me even more confused. Why does this word seem familiar...?

The figure got up from the chair. It moved towards the medical cabinet in the bathroom. Every house has one. The screaming downstairs stopped. Perhaps his mother gave up? Did Ritsuka manage to escape? He must check that later. He looked up. A blue butterfly on the mirror's surface. Oh, no... He ran out of the bathroom. And froze. Bloody figure on the floor.

Soubi...?

Now the poems. I couldn't decide which one to post for enchanter, so I chose both of them. These are for you, dear!

Five parts of the body.
Crimson wrist.
Damaged brain.
A broken heart.
Lungs that don't work anymore.
And a head cut off.

Four insane people.
A boy with a terrible past,
a girl with a blank look in her eyes,
a murderer with a bloody knife.
And a human whose last wish wasn't fullfiled.

Three animals.
A hurt wolf dying alone,
An abandoned cat in the rain.
And a tiger bleeding, and fading away.

Two friends.
A boy lying pale in a coffin.
And a small girl crying limply at his side.

One lonely soul alive.
Well,not anymore.

Why can't I ever say I'm sorry?
Why the words get stuck in my throat?
I tried.
I really did.
All the excuses stopped working.
Why are my lips sealed everytime I have an apology to make?
The tears start always after I walk away.
I'm a coward.
A coward.
My vision is so blurred that I don't see what I'm writing anymore.
All the good stuff happens to other people.
How am I going to survive the next day?
How?
Will my heart mend?
Will my will get stronger?
Everytime I'm losing more and more.
People care about me.
They envy me.
They love me.
But they love a mask.
What lies underneath is just an ugly truth.
I'm sorry I'm not the person you think me to be.
Since I don't have the courage to say it out loud,
I'm going to write these words here.
I'm sorry I hurt you.
I'm sorry I'm not perfect.
I'm sorry that I am a failure.
I'm sorry that these are my last words...

That's it for now...

P.S. *waves* Hi mello chocolate!

Really short fic

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 14:51:41 GMT

Mellochocolat, you made me write a fic! And that's never a good thing! It's a short one. And when I say short I mean short!
I hope you're going to like it, because I don't think I did a good job. And 'Duplicate' is an excellent poem. I'm going to leave a comment. This is a Loveless fic. But I have to warn you:I have never watched nor read the manga. There is simply no way for me to get the manga and see the anime. I hope this isn't too bad.

Dedicated to you!

It's a black night. No stars in sight. The moon is hidden behing the clouds. It's dark. It's cold. Almost like death.

But, I'm sure that the blond haired figure staring at a mirror can tell you a lot more about death than me. His life started with death. His school started with death. His love started with death. He can tell you a lot about pain too. But you wouldn't understand. It's not something he wants, but it's not something he doesn't want either. It's not about pleasure. It's not about torture. It's simply another aspect of life he has come to accept. And he can't deny it, no matter how much he wants to. Because his blue eyes show the truth.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the town, a black haired youth is sitting on a chair. White computer light shines on his face, while his brother's last words stare at him, unmoving. He isn't aware of anything. His eyes watch, but his mind doesn't see. He stands up. Slowly. No need to rush. He has his whole life ahead. His whole, lonely life. Every single day without compassion. Without love. No! He won't think about it! Cause then, it will be even more real. He pulls the bed covers over his head. To protect him from demons. Even though he knows it's useless. His own demons will haunt him, no matter where he is. He can not hide. They are always with him. Before his troubled thoughts pull him into unconsciousness, he offers a prayer to whoever might be listening, whispering: "Please, no more nightmares."

It's morning. Alarm clock monsters are calling his name. The lamp beside his bed is broken. His covers are drenched in a cold sweat. It seems no one was listening to his prayer last night. A small part of him thinks it's better that way. He can see his brother in his dreams every night, so he can't forget him. A smiling face is watching him from his pictures. Memories... But that smile doesn't reach blue eyes. Why? Why is the smile false? Why his brother isn't with him? Why love can't survive? Why life can't be simple?

His window opens. The footsteps are so quiet he almost can't hear them. But he would never forget that intoxicating smell. Long arms come around his small frame. And for a moment, all his questions don't seem so important anymore.

That's it. I hope I got this lj cut thingy.

Another poem

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 14:43:32 GMT

Was about time I update something. Another poem. Actually,I'm not sure this is even a poem.
You need to be really focused when reading this, or you won't get a thing.

A warning:This is sad.Very sad.If you don't like sad things I suggest you don't read further.

Smile for me

All these smiles surrounding me.
Filling my soul with pain and despair.
Why can't it fill me with happiness?
Because I used to be one of those happy faces.

Your dull eyes stare at me...

Why?
Why am I in this white room
Where every secret becomes revealed?

Your drops of blood wash away my mask...

I can't take it anymore.
All the lies.

Your skin ghostly white...

So much darkness I fear.
So much tears I spill.

Your heart out in the open...

In this moment everything means nothing.
No stars.
No sky.
No angels.

So red..

You're being put into a coffin.
And they're telling me you're happy and free.
But I can see that you are just in a different sort of cage.
My poor, broken little bird...
Even death couldn't have freed you.
You desperately want to stay caged to this existance.
But you can't.

I see you floating away...

People beside me,
Asking if I'm alright.
Can't you see that I'm not?!

There's no that broken smile on my face...

I stare at your back
And whisper these words,
Hoping that the wind will take them to you:

Please smile for me...

My tears spill forward again.

Please do...
Because I'm not able to do it anymore...
And I'm sorry...

You stop.
After what seems like eternity to me,
You turn around.
And I can see...

That there are crystals on your face too...

I've decided that I'm going to post lyrics in my journal too.I'll post even the ones you ask.
So leave comments!

First post

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 20:02:50 GMT

I've finally written something. Was about time. I want to thank mellochocolat for adding me as a friend(waves). I'm new to this, so it will take some time for getting some good stuff from me. Tonight I want to add two pictures and a poem. Can someone help me and explain the basic stuff? I'm not that bad with computers, but I'm not a genius either. And English is not my native language, so please ignore my spelling mistakes. Well, here it goes:

SHADOW'S MIRROR

Haven't you noticed
Everytime you look into a mirror
You are someone else?

Haven't you noticed
Sometimes when you look into a mirror
You are a sad shade of yourself?

Haven't you noticed
When you look into a mirror
That time stops around you?

Haven't you noticed
How your heart is breaking
When in the mirror you see a person
You don't want to see?

Don't want to be.

I have.
Whan I look into the mirror
My eyes are red.
My face is wet.
My life breaks.

Everytime I look into the mirror...

I know what you're all thinking............. What the hell?
But go easy on me!!! This was my first poem! I have better ones! Really!

Well,that's all for tonight. Thank you for the reading and please leave comments.
P.S.Thanks again mellochocolate.Your stories are one of the best I have ever read.
And coming from me it means something, because til now I've read
10 347 stories.I'm not making this up!!!!!!

FelinaValdis

*puzzled*

List of the most interesting fobias

Random

This post doesn't have a point

More crap to add to my day

This has been a crappy day...

Lyrics again

More lyrics

Names and their meanings

Finally, a fic that I'm proud of

HUGE PROBLEM

LYRICS!!!

I need help!!!

Really short fic

Another poem

First post

puzzled